Tale of Two Voices

Once again I turn to a literary genius to help me express my current state of mind.  I see no need to try to rephrase what Charles Dickens so masterfully stated.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us,…in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. (Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities, Book 1, Chapter 1)

I wonder if Dickens would have ever imagined that he was describing the Tale of the Two Voices in this “present period” of my health journey.

Noisy authority voice one (My voice for good) – This is the “best of times!”  I have hit the goal weight I established for the Chairman’s Challenge!!!!  I have done my part to earn the money for Royal Family Kids Camp.  I am eligible to win!  I am now wearing the smaller, outdated clothes from the back of my closet that I should have gotten rid of a long, long time ago. I have so much more “wisdom” than all of the other times I have attempted to defeat my weight.  I “believe” because this time I am focusing on increasing my health while enjoying the weight loss benefit that comes with it.  Blogging, and coming out of hiding in the dark shadows of shame and past failures, has shone the “light” on truth and brought an unwavering “hope.”  I read about an Eco tour to Costa Rica that includes a strenuous hike through the forest and over rocks to see a waterfall and zip lining above the rainforest canopy.  I want to go!  I can make that kind of hike and be able to fit into a zip line harness.  I have “everything before” me.  Please count me in for all kinds of adventures ahead.  I look in the mirror and think “Hey - I remember when I used to look like this!  It’s nice to see you again!”  Why in the world was I so hard on myself back then?” 
Noisy authority voice two (for evil which became vocal after looking at the pictures from our trip): It is “foolishness” to be so happy you crazy girl.  Look at these pictures.  So what you hit this goal weight! That’s not even half way to where you should be.  What kind of winner for a health challenge could you be?  You are still fat. I remember when you were this size too!  You were stuck here for years and only got bigger.  You are back into the same clothes you wore when you were frustrated and miserable.  No matter what you did, you didn’t lose weight.  The nutritionals called you a liar?  The doctor put you on medication that was supposed to regulate PCOS and lead to weight loss.  It did nothing – nada – not one pound gone because you were already exercising then too.  Hope?  Really?  I bet your weight stays right here like it did before. Don’t call my logic doubt because I am your truth.  You think you could wear a zip line belt!  I bet you won’t even risk the humiliation of trying to ride a roller coaster again.  Adventure?  There is “nothing before” you that you haven’t seen before.   You claim your truthful writing has brought you to the light, but you still live in the “dark.”  So what over 1,900 people have read this blog?  You only dance in your living room, exercise under the water, and walk but never run for others to see.  You think you are inspiring others? This blog's not funny and who else reads Dickens?  (Let’s see how many people finish reading and bother commenting on this post!)  Welcome back to your “worst of times.” 
Having heard both witnesses. I am amazed at the “superlative degree of comparison” these two voices create.  It is hard to imagine that they both speak the truth, and yet I know they do.  The only difference is their perspective.  The “good” voice looks to the future.  The “evil” voice is a commentary on what occurred in the past.  My only response is that because of the health emphasis of the Chairman’s Challenge I know "it is a far, far better thing that I do (now), than I have ever done.”  (Book 3 Chapter 15) I am not the same person I was when I wore these same clothes.  It is good to listen to the voice from my past that insists on being heard, but only to give it a brief nod of acknowledgement.  There is no need to buy new clothes in this size because soon these outdated garments (and the point of view they carry) will no longer fit the new me. 

 

Words of Wisdom

Isn't it amazing that the best advice is usually the simplest and shortest?  Words to live by like wash your hands, wear clean underwear, and don't stand directly behind a cow.  Last month Stephanie, my health coach through work, handed down three words of wisdom that have become my decision-making motto. 

I was headed for vacation at an all-inclusive resort and had been given a list of food and drinks that I "had to try."  I knew from multiple witnesses that the food was really great and very plentiful.  I'm talking free 24-hour room service, five-course meals, and order anything you want and as many as you want abundant!   I was excited about the trip, but I also knew that although the gluttonous gorger voice is in the graveyard, she only has about an inch of dirt shutting her up, and she can yell pretty loud.   Here was Stephanie's sage advice. "Don't regret anything."  Think about it for a minute and see if a light bulb appears about your head like it did mine.
 
I packed those three little words into my frontal lobe carry-on luggage and boarded the plane.   I would not regret eating too much, but I also was going to enjoy every minute of the experience.  I found out that "Don't regret anything" was a perfect filter.  I tried lots of new foods: Crème Brule, crepe suzettes, French chocolate mousse, blue cheese crusted steak, cheese and wine fondue, Japanese peanut chicken, wild mushroom soup, and sexy coffee. (Honest - that's its real name!) Those are just a few, but I think you get the idea!  On the other hand, I also didn't regret eating too much of these indulgences.  I savored every bite but didn't need more (although I did eat three pieces of cheesecake over eight days - but they had different toppings so that doesn't count!)   I did not try the escargot.  When I asked myself if I would regret going home without trying snails, the answer came back a very loud no!

I've had a week to reflect on our trip and I am thrilled to say, lose the three pounds that found me on the beach.  I brought home sand in my shoes, ocean-polished rocks in my pockets, and the same pale skin tone I left with. (Thank you 85 SPF sunscreen for preventing a sun burn!)  What I didn't come home with were regrets.  Thanks Stephanie!

Back to Reality

I must admit that I am a little depressed.  I just came back from an eight day trip to Puerto Vallarta with my hubby, sister, her husband, and six friends from church.  It takes quite a bit for me to be down, but let’s face it.  It’s really tough to go from barefoot on a beautiful, sunny beach and 80 degrees to a messy house, 32 degrees, and snowing.  I am going to try to list all the awful things that happened on the trip to try to lessen the pain of reality.  Here goes:

• When we were lying in our bed in the mornings, ornate ironwork from our private balcony interfered with the view of the ocean as we looked out our patio doors.
• Crazy tourists on a jet ski disturbed the mama and baby humpback whale we saw at the beginning of our 3 hour, 44 mile ocean trip with a marine biologist, so we had to go out farther into the bay to see numerous hump back whale and hear one sing.  Oh yeah – a seagull messed on my sister.
• I got sand in my shorts when I was knocked over by an ocean wave and couldn’t stand up until three more waves hit me because I was laughing so hard. My friends were laughing even harder.
• A hotel guest in his skimpy bathing suit sat at a table directly across from us at the outdoor café and his Grand Canyon plumber’s crack was not the tourist attraction we came to see, but it made it hard to look up and enjoy the view of the bleach.
• The orange, fuchsia pink and purple flowers in the rain forest were so bright that they hurt my eyes.
• I gained three pounds because I indulged in the reasonably-portioned sizes of the delicious, five-course gourmet evening meals – oh – and the free room service cheesecake that was delivered to our balcony. 
• I literally bruised my behind bouncing in the back of the van on the horribly roads we took up the mountain to see El Eden, a breath-taking rainforest waterfall.
• One day was overcast so the temperature only hit the upper 70’s and the ocean waves were much higher.
• I didn’t get to exercise in the hotel gym because I was too busy walking on the beach and exploring several Mexican markets and towns.
• I got multiple stains on my shirts because the fresh papaya, melons, and pineapple were too juicy.
• I cried Sunday as I prayed and praised with the congregation that worships in the church my husband and our church’s construction team built during their mission trips.  I cried again as I witnessed people standing in line to receive free dental, vision, and medical care outside the church during the week.  
• It’s hard to justify the few trinkets and treasure I brought home for souvenirs when I know that the indigenous missionary, his wife, and three children have moved into the heart of Mexico to minister and are surviving on $100 a month.  His wife offered to share their squash, beans, and handmade tortillas they survive on if we visit.

Well, this helped.  It's good to be home.  Who needs the beach.  I've got the gym and the pool.

I am a....

Dedicating this blog to my sister, Juleigh, the ultimate athlete.

The first day we visited our health club, I worked out on an exercise bike.  An elderly man, I’ll call him Charles, was slowly walking on the indoor track and sat down on a bike next to me.  It was obvious he was struggling to breathe.  In fact, Charles was having such a hard time that I was concerned he was having a heart attack.  I asked him if he was OK, and he nodded, but I wasn’t convinced.  He was sitting slumped over, had his hand on his chest, and was wheezing.  I had completed my workout, but I wasn’t going anywhere and kept peddling.  Eventually his breathing returned to normal.  He smiled at me, got up, and went back to shuffling around the track. 

The next morning I saw Charles and watched him carefully to see if he was better.  But he wasn’t.  He walked half of the 1/12 mile indoor track then sat down to catch his breathe.  During the hour I exercised, he completed a quarter mile.  Because I belong to a health club associated with a hospital, it was obvious Charles must be at the gym on doctor’s orders to gain strength from either a heart condition or perhaps emphysema. 

A few mornings later I knew I had made a friend.  Charles greeted me with “Did you know I’ve got bird dogs?”  We soon had our new routine.  When I lift weights or on a piece of equipment that borders the track, Charles sits down next to me to catch his breath after his half lap.  When he can talk, we do a little visiting and then he gets up and walks again. 

One day Charles asked me if my son Joshua plays basketball.  We get this question frequently because Joshua is tall.  Even though I answered no, Charles’ face lit up as he shared that he had been an outstanding ball player.  In fact, he played professionally.  He proudly told me his lifetime stats and some of the places around the world he had traveled with his team.  Half in jest, I asked him to autograph my workout log, and without missing a beat, he did.  It was obvious it was something he had done many times.  As he handed me back my sheet, he got a melancholy look in his eyes.   He dropped his head and quietly said, “I used to beat everyone running up and down the court.  Now I can’t even walk across one.”   His deep sense of loss pieced my heart and brought tears to my eyes.  I told him how much he inspired me that he came every day to walk and get stronger.  I said that his doctor must be very pleased at how faithful he is to come.  Charles head snapped back up, and he looked me squarely in the eye.  With the conviction of a competitor he replied, “No doctor makes me come.  I’m here because I am an athlete.”

No one who meets Charles today would say he is an athlete, but they would be wrong.  Over 90 years of life has robbed him of physical strength, but it has not won or changed who he is.  I can relate.  Regardless of what life brings I will always be a follower of Christ, a wife, a mother, and teacher.  These four roles are at the foundation and motivation of everything I say and do.  They are who I am, but Charles made me think of all the times I have said I am not athletic.  If the definition of an athlete is someone who skillfully plays and wins games, I will never be able to claim that title. But, if an athlete is someone, like Charles, who doesn’t quit, and is willing to physically fight the challenges life brings, I choose to add athlete to my list.  Like Charles, I choose to not quit fighting until the final buzzer.    Who are you?