Dieter's Holiday Blessing

May smaller portions make you fill full.

May your egg nog be made with egg whites.

May your favorite holiday sweets be made with low fat and zero calorie ingredients and still taste the same.

May you pick your favorite flavor from that huge box of chocolates on your very first attempt.

May the skinny know-it-all in your family who is sure they have a better way for you to lose weight or do your workout routine be too busy sharing wisdom with everyone else and not have time to tell you what you are doing wrong.

May the fork-to-mouth curl, the turkey-from-the-oven squat, and the run-to-hide-from-that-one-relative provide the same amount of calories burned as your normal exercise routine.

May the bowl games you care about be so exciting that your fist pumps, touch down signals, and jumping for joy burns enough calories to justify one more portion of your favorite holiday treat.

May fitting into the Santa suit this year require you to ask for a pillow and a belt to hold up the pants.

And may all the clothes you receive be too big and easy to return.

Most importantly, may your travels be safe, you time be spent with those you love the most, and may your heart be filled with the love, joy, and peace that comes with knowing Jesus, our Savior.

Shocking Confession

I promised I would be completely honest in my blog, so here goes….I am addicted to a chemical substance. This addiction is new, but I quickly became a hard core junkie. I can tell the effects it is having on me physically, and I have found a new group of friends that encourage my habit. I spend hard earned cash to support it, and the addiction is keeping me away from home several nights a week. Even worse, I am now a pusher. Just today I introduced my 16-year-old son to the mood and body altering effects of chlorine.

 Hi, My name is Larla, and I am a hard core, chlorine-smelling, water-proof card carrying Aquasize junkie. (Read the Nov. 4 Aquasize Top Ten blog). I now wear a pair of Sperry water shoes and have spent more money than I would have ever imagined on a chlorine resistant swimsuit and matching swim shorts. I was so desperate to get a new suit that I resorted to ordering one online. Obviously my thinking has been impaired!  I am anxiously waiting for a package with my own pair of aquagloves so I always have access to my size, and I am diligently looking for the perfect terry cloth robe. In case you need further proof, I have taken ownership of a place in the pool. It is the perfect depth where I am completely submerged other than my head to ensure every muscle feels the effects. I have found and wear old contacts so that I can (almost) see.

I am a frequent enough attender at the pool that I am greeted by other hard corers from four different classes, and the instructors comment when I’m not there. I took great delight in having Joshua ski, jack, spider, washing machine, and jog beside me tonight. I am sure I had a sly grin when he admitted that he was really feeling the workout, and I knew I had successfully dragged him underwater with me when he said he was going to have to buy new water shoes.  

In all seriousness, I used to laugh when I read that the secret to long-term health is to find a physical activity you enjoy. I didn't think one existed. I have never really liked to swim, but I know I will do water aerobics for the rest of my life. It is perfect for my buff, athletic son and also the elderly. One lady who is 80-something-years young told me that she had been coming for 17 years. All I could think was that when I am her age I will be able to tell newbies that I have been Aquasizing for 30 years. I have discovered that Aquasizers are the most accepting people on the planet. It doesn’t matter how uncoordinated, out of shape, or pale you are, you are welcome.  Everything you do (or don't successfully do) is hidden under the water, and we all readily laugh at our own mistakes and big splashes.  

My name is Larla, and I am a hard core, chlorine-smelling, Aquasize junkie. Join me.

Twilight Zone Diet

Cue Rod Serling

Start music (do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do)

You're traveling through another dimension -- a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's a signpost up ahead: your next stop: the Twilight Zone!"

11.24 We observe a woman who has just gotten off a plane from New York and drives six hours to come home.  She is warmly greeted at the door by her loving husband and youngest son who have foraged for themselves while she was gone.  She had to suspend her nutrition plan and exercise program during her trip, and she’s fearful of once again stepping on the scale.  She is sure her hard fought 9 pound weight loss before the trip is gone.  She heads for the refrigerator.  The only edible food is cold peperoni pizza.  (Cue scream)   What to do!  She is tired; she is starving; she drove past all the beckoning bright lights of the fast food restaurants on the way home to try to begin the resuscitation of her diet.  The primal need for sustenance is too much to bear.  She eats the pizza knowing she cannot avoid the hard, cold reality the scale will reveal the next morning.  (Fade set until only a bright light shines on the menacing scale waiting on the cold bathroom floor.  As the light fades, we see the scale smirk.)

11.25 (Cut to 5:30 the next morning) We watch the woman hesitantly step on the scale.  She is shocked.  What!  No weight gained in spite of two meals that contained a hamburger, one order of fries, and other questionable foods she had eaten because they were the best choices (that she could afford) while in NY!  Impossible!  She steps off the scale and steps back on.  The scale does not change.  She looks around and lets out a nervous laugh.  She has faithfully followed the nutrition plan and gone to the gym for months with marginal success.  A week of reckless eating and not going to the gym with no weight gain?  This is uncharted territory.  At first there is a sense of relief, but as she walks away, she pauses and throws a puzzle look back at the scale.  She grasps the first hint that perhaps she has stepped on a scale from another reality.

 11.26 – 12.1 (Cue sputtering sound) Fate hands the determined dieter yet another challenge.  We find the woman minus a car which prevents her from going to the grocery store or regaining her regular trips to the gym.   She tries to make the best food choices but is not following the nutrition/exercise plan.  She even imbibed in an enjoyable evening out with her handsome husband at Red Robins. (Cue YUM!)  In spite of her indiscretions, her weight plummets!  Each day she steps on the scale, and it shows the loss of another pound…or even two!  The macabre minimizing continues until she loses seven pounds in six days!   This defies all logic, and we find our women too suspicious to share the news about the weight loss.  She is anxious this is some cruel trick waiting to be exposed.

12.2 – 12.6 Our subject comes down with the sleepless, slimy, horrible, hacking, creepy, coughy crude. She avoids the gym because her friends there would not appreciate her spreading contagious microorganisms.  The mysterious weight loss holds.  Even more bizarre, it hasn’t wavered one ounce in the last five days. The mystery continues.

(Camera slowly pans from the woman on the scale to the weight showing on the scale.) One woman. Trying to find the cause and effect of what she eats and what the scale reveals. Three months of careful eating and dedicated exercise for a slight loss of nine pounds only to lose seven pounds in six days of unrestricted eating.  Has she discovered that her weight loss answer is not found in calories consumed or burned but instead somewhere beyond definition? Or has she simple found herself in another dimension known as the Diet Twilight Zone? (Weight showing on the scale winks.)

Artist Eyes

 When Juleigh and I were walking through Central Park, we discovered a gentleman drawing an amazing likeness of a young lady. We decided to have him do our portraits as a present for our mom and dad. Juleigh posed first, and I saw him transfer her eyes, then her nose, cheeks, mouth, and hair to the paper. It was fascinating watching him capture her so perfectly. It was beautiful!

 Soon it was my turn. As I sat in the chair, I discovered that I was not the best model. I knew from watching him draw Juleigh that he started with my eyes. Let’s get real. At 51 I have my share of not so fine lines and wrinkles. Under his intense gaze I knew he couldn’t help but see them. I wondered how dark he would have to make them in the sketch. The artist would stare and then draw, stare and draw, draw and stare. I wanted to run away. It was disconcerting to have someone look so closely. I wanted to ask him to eliminate the wrinkles, make my eyes the same size and not have the one higher than the other. While he was at it, he could straighten my crooked smile, and go ahead and make my face a bit thinner. I would gladly double his price if he didn’t add any whiskers (an unfortunate cruel reality of PCOS) if I’d missed some during my morning plucking routine. What made me think that memorializing my fat face now, before I lose more weight, was a good idea? Thanks to all the thoughts running through my mind, he had to ask me to smile when he was ready to draw my mouth.

 When he said he was finished, I hesitantly came to look at his finished work. I saw a crooked smile, mismatched eyes, frizzy hair – yep – it looked just like me. (Thank goodness no chin hair!) Later, as Juleigh and I looked closely at the drawing, it was amazing. Juleigh had on mascara. He drew her with eye lashes. I didn’t have on mascara so I didn’t have eyelashes because he couldn’t see them. I am sure this artist saw my face more clearly than I have ever really seen myself. He looked at each feature individually and put them together to make the whole. I look at myself and only see what I would like to change. But what if all those flaws were changed? The simple truth is that the picture would not look like me. I am thankful that I had the experience of sitting for my portrait. His close scrutiny was uncomfortable, but he helped me see myself through new eyes. It made me realize that when I am so critical of myself I am being critical of The Master Artist.  The balanced whole of imperfect pieces that make up me is "fearfully and wonderfully made." (Psalm 139) I’m  OK with that.  Let's lighten up a bit and not just focus on the imperfect. Let me encourage you to join me and celebrate your whole.

Disney Princess Reflection

About three weeks ago, I took a health quiz about exercise and eating habits. It was amazing to be able to honestly choose the best answers to every question on the quiz. Imagine me receiving a very high score! This journey has caused a change that I see as nothing short of a miracle in my perception towards exercise. I was honestly disappointed we did not have access to the gym in the NY hotel. I did not hesitate to walk all over Manhattan or to climb up and down subway stairs. Thursday I unexpectedly had out- of-town friends call and ask if we could meet for lunch because they were driving through Springfield. I didn’t have a car available, but without even thinking about it, I offered to walk 1.5 miles to meet them, and I did! The fear I would have felt facing these tasks is gone. I love Aquasize classes and the fitness center and, for the first time, know that I will exercise for the rest of my life. (This is HUGE for me! I have never been athletic so even when I was very young and slender anything that looked like a sport was bound to end in embarrassment.)

Yesterday as I was leaving the Aquasize pool I had two questions present themselves. First, who in the world thought it was a good idea to put a mirrored wall where people have to walk by in their bathing suits? (It is in a hospital so maybe the makers of anti-depressants?) And second, I have never had a favorite Disney Princess, but now I do. Mulan’s questions became mine. “Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am inside?” I have mentally shifted my focus from what I weigh to being active and healthy. I have a new-found sense of freedom and control and blogging has helped me realize that I am the author of my health story - not my genetics, PCOS, or the opinions of others.  

It would be more inspirational to stop writing now but not honest. I still have a huge conflict. I know exactly what size I will wear when I reach my revised healthy goal weight based on my BMI - size 16. I know from past history, I will still be viewed by most as overweight. I will still have to shop in the plus size department, and I wonder if I will ever be pleased with my reflection. Will there be a time when I shop for clothes when tears will not roll down my face like they did in the dressing room in NY? In spite of my new health focus, my eyes still saw the reflection of a fat sack of potatoes wrapped in gold. I wish I believed that the amazing clothes that look so fantastic on my sister will someday look the same on me. I would be lying if I said I can imagine that day. I am thankful for the attitude God changed on the inside. Waiting, sometimes not so patiently, for a sign that the mirror’s reflection might someday be one I am pleased to see.

Time to go to the gym.