Disney Princess Reflection

About three weeks ago, I took a health quiz about exercise and eating habits. It was amazing to be able to honestly choose the best answers to every question on the quiz. Imagine me receiving a very high score! This journey has caused a change that I see as nothing short of a miracle in my perception towards exercise. I was honestly disappointed we did not have access to the gym in the NY hotel. I did not hesitate to walk all over Manhattan or to climb up and down subway stairs. Thursday I unexpectedly had out- of-town friends call and ask if we could meet for lunch because they were driving through Springfield. I didn’t have a car available, but without even thinking about it, I offered to walk 1.5 miles to meet them, and I did! The fear I would have felt facing these tasks is gone. I love Aquasize classes and the fitness center and, for the first time, know that I will exercise for the rest of my life. (This is HUGE for me! I have never been athletic so even when I was very young and slender anything that looked like a sport was bound to end in embarrassment.)

Yesterday as I was leaving the Aquasize pool I had two questions present themselves. First, who in the world thought it was a good idea to put a mirrored wall where people have to walk by in their bathing suits? (It is in a hospital so maybe the makers of anti-depressants?) And second, I have never had a favorite Disney Princess, but now I do. Mulan’s questions became mine. “Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? When will my reflection show who I am inside?” I have mentally shifted my focus from what I weigh to being active and healthy. I have a new-found sense of freedom and control and blogging has helped me realize that I am the author of my health story - not my genetics, PCOS, or the opinions of others.  

It would be more inspirational to stop writing now but not honest. I still have a huge conflict. I know exactly what size I will wear when I reach my revised healthy goal weight based on my BMI - size 16. I know from past history, I will still be viewed by most as overweight. I will still have to shop in the plus size department, and I wonder if I will ever be pleased with my reflection. Will there be a time when I shop for clothes when tears will not roll down my face like they did in the dressing room in NY? In spite of my new health focus, my eyes still saw the reflection of a fat sack of potatoes wrapped in gold. I wish I believed that the amazing clothes that look so fantastic on my sister will someday look the same on me. I would be lying if I said I can imagine that day. I am thankful for the attitude God changed on the inside. Waiting, sometimes not so patiently, for a sign that the mirror’s reflection might someday be one I am pleased to see.

Time to go to the gym.